It's after 1:00am here; I stayed up really late last night reading and talking w Myrna Ann... today I got home, took a three-hour nap - something I haven't successfully done in months... maybe years.
When I woke up, it was dark, and I had NO idea where I was. Slowly, I remembered: Mongolia. Oh, yes, I'm in Mongolia...
My dream had been so vivid: in it, my dad had called to tell me that my grandmother had passed away. In the dream, I was left remembering her, wanting to honor her with my thoughts, thinking of all the things I wanted her to know that I thought of her...
When I woke up it took me maybe 20 minutes to realize that she is still alive... I lied in bed, trying to sort through my world and existence: what is real in my life right now? What's happening - and what was just a dream?
It was a moment not that different from the Talking Heads song, "Once in a Lifetime": my disorientation was perhaps just as strong as it might have been had I woken up to discover a baby of my own crying in the next room, in a house on the Mediterranean Sea.
******
It's a weird feeling that sticks - it's hours later now, and I'm still thinking about it: that moment where you don't know who you are or what you're attached to or where you belong. I guess I like it when the pieces come back and assemble themselves: I find or remember my identity again, and then I wonder if I like myself...and I find that I do.
Do you know that feeling?
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1 comment:
This is exactly the reason I don't take naps anymore. Can't handle the disorientation. Glad I'm not crazy and there are others out there;) Thanks for sharing.
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